Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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