someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize