I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
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remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
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I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize