i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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