You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize