Well apparently he's into motor boating.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
