New invention idea: vibrating tampons
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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