I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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