Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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