Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize