dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize