Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Vodka?
Forever.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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