you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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