My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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