we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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