waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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