if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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