All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize