You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
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I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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