Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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