hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize