My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize