I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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