3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
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just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
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As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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