I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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