perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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