Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
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I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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