turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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