Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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