When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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