Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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