I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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