sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize