Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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