is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
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She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
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I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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