you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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