Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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