Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He did a backflip because drugs
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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