Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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