the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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