I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
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And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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