I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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