I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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