did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
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well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
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I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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