i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
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I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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