1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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