Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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