i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize