I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
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we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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