i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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