FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
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Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
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Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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